Day 1 Down

Wednesday, June 25, 2008

I ate like a champ (or some king of rodent).

Berries, nuts & seeds, salads, soup, water...



I'm still hungry. Verrrry Hungry!

Time To Get Serious

Monday, June 23, 2008

It's time to get serious. I mean, it's literally 2 months away --the wedding I have to go to-- and I have only lost like 5lbs. I have to get my ass in gear.

Sometimes, I think that I sabotage myself (although not on purpose) because maybe I'm afraid...afraid that being hot could be a reality (and a very close one) if I just accepted it & worked at it. Being hot (or even relatively close) is scary when you haven't been that for a long time. For example, when I was in high school, I was very thin (but still had my big boobs) and long blonde hair. I guess you could say I was hot...and I remember how that felt! It was awful sometimes! Sure, all the boys wanted to sleep with me and people always talked about how cute I was, but I never had any girl friends. They all hated me. And then, as I got older (and a little bigger each year), I noticed that I started making friends with girls. I liked that. I started to feel good about myself. So, I started to do more things again and began getting back to my high school weight. Wouldn't you know it! All the girl "friends" that I had managed to make started to flake out on me...dump me...reverting to pettiness and creating reasons not to hang out with me anymore. It hurt. And I'm afraid that the same thing will happen again. I guess that's the real reason I haven't tried hard enough.

I think that there is the pecking order with women. There are always roles to be played: the smart one, the pretty one, the fat one, the funny one, the bad girl, the goody-2-shoes, etc... Sometimes they overlap. Everything is copacetic as long as everyone plays their part. Step out of your role and WATCH OUT!
It just sucks that that is even a reality. Can you avoid it? I don't think so, not with the way women are so fucking catty and vindictive.

Anyway, it's time to get serious. I can't worry about which girlfriend will dump me or start treating me differently when my physical appearance changes. If they are real, they will continue to like me for me. If they are secure in themselves, (which ironically is the whole fucking problem with the way women act [think about how many times you've looked at a girl who was way cuter than you and you said something nasty about her w/out even knowing the person]), then they will have no problems with me doing this.


So, let it begin...

One positive to being fatter

Friday, June 20, 2008

So I was shopping with

rosey27

today and we stopped in at Victoria's Secret. I had the gal measure me.


38DD, almost DDD


WTF?!?

How did my boobs not get bigger while I was pregnant but after breastfeeding they are now the size of watermelons? I mean, I wasn't small to begin with (38D) but come on!!!

I declare shenanigans!

Tuesday, June 17, 2008

Our new life begins with me on firsts and Ken on seconds.
One problem ends and a new one begins.

Yeah, I no longer need to worry about childcare, but now I cannot work out at the gym. So I am paying for a membership that I cannot use. How is this going to make me any thinner!?

Not to mention that today when I got home from work, I was completely exhausted. I was so tired that I layed down with Connor and took a 2 1/2 hour nap. Oh--and that was after I had a giant piece of lemon cake. Did I say I had 2 Zingers at work? Cause I didn't.

I swear, the gods are against me losing weight.

FINALLY!

Tuesday, June 10, 2008

I am happy to report a 3.5 lb weight loss.




Shut up. At least I didn't gain it.